THIS MOMENT MIGHT NEVER COME AGAIN

the moment your hand brushed mine so soft and quick like the

breeze on my curtains which sway back and forth in the

abandoned night desperate for the comfort of the stars desperate

for the solace of their flame which sparks reassurance and

security and the stars hide their eyes behind the devious clouds

who snicker and mock for they know that the stars shine their

light in awe of the ants on the ground who run around

in endless circles like the ... which leads nowhere but in denial

and their death caused by another whose lies and bittersweet

promises were too succulent to resist and although the star light

shines for miles and miles they will never touch and feel the hurt

and the lips of another and the anticipation and wanting and

needing which leads up to the heartbreak

even just for a moment

DON'T GLANCE THIS WAY

Falling in love with someone is the worst curse in the design and makeup of a couple. It brings out the worst and most neurotic side of my brain. I don't know what effect it has on the general population of the world, i have this consummate feeling of sadness. Its an unattainable happiness which I despise yet at the same time crave. I yearn for it daily, every hour, every minute. This aberrant awareness which i sprint toward and dash off in fear like a young child trembling, unable to breath. Ironically enough I feel as though it is the air I am in search of, the fuel that keeps me alive. Without it, I am lost. Lost in a common place world in which i pity all the broken hearted fools who could not keep up with or embrace this curse. I need love, I need approval and I need to have someone who needs my love in exchange. It does make me angry knowing they have every inch of me. I give my lips, my legs my eyes and every parcel in between. I give my mouth, my touch and my soul. I am left with uncertainty and doubt and fear. Fear from myself that maybe that isn't enough. I don't know when something is enough. I push, stretch, twist till i do not recognize myself. I live in this deluded maze. It is a torture cell for my tortured soul. It is my hell. If you can not succumb to my anomalistic ambience then do not enter. Do not hold my body, do not kiss my mouth, or brush your hand between my legs. Do not try to seduce my mind. Do not misinterpret what i say. and please for your sake, do not glance my way.

Words Unsaid

Some words you just can't say
Somehow they lose the meaning
lose the fixation of the dream
when their free to the world
There's something mysterious and
even dangerous when you can
peer into the eyes of someone
and have tawdry thoughts
and they cannot grab them
cannot buy them
cannot surrepitiously take them
they are all your own

Your world

we sat
our bodies lateral to each other
in close proximity
enough to smell his scent
a nice vivid smell
he rubbed his fingers
across his forehead
maybe as a monotonous habit
or as an occupational hazard
which induces stress lines
and as unfair punishment
call our faces home
The instant in which he did
i was reminded of a ghost
his mannerisms triggered
a memory of  a past lovers hands
the way he held a wine glass
the way he fixed his hair
making sure every strand fell into place
and the way he cupped my cheeks
right before he kissed my lips
and my thoughts always subsided
slipped away, carried off into
the brain of a more responsible girl
I allowed the memory to fill me up
like the glass of water at my feet
half full, half empty who really cares
it consumed my area, my moment in time
my whole world for one minute
and in that minute time dissolved
trickled down in the hourglass
i was there in his memory
walking down a street
nowhere in particular
looking from his eyes
at an unfledged wavering
imperfectly balanced
physique of whom is all his
and his mouth is moving
faster than his mind would like
silently cursing at his conventional spirit
Are you mine, he asks
Yes, i'm yours, i smile
like the exclamation mark
to a flawless transcendental symphony
your hand looped into mine
the missing link
the perfect component
the misplaced breath
which pumped your earth full of air
and inside you i can feel you crying
a haunting i never knew you lived in
and i take your hand out of your
black button coat
and reach with your fingers
to wipe away the tears which are not
outlined or drawn beneath your beautiful eyes
yet your hand doesn't move
i cannot change this memory
cannot relive what is already been
and it makes me sad
i never knew you were lonely
never knew i was lonely
are you okay
i am shaken stirred like a martini
i've ordered to subdue you everyday
i'm back to my present
sitting next to him
i cannot even remember his name
was it real
was it you and me in a world
where your hands guarded my soul
where you stole my heartache
and in exchange i only gave you grief
i'd like to smash the hourglass against the wall
return back to that dim street corner
and trade in summer popsicles
for blistering winter ice
i'd like to go back to that place
i need your hands wrapped up in mine
the warm blanket on a frozen night
i need your piercing eyes
to see straight thru my lies
and know that i'm not okay
i need you to know every night
i try to channel thru to your subconscious
and make you mine once more
i need to be in that moment again
i need to be in your world

Searching- SONG

Wednesday, January 07, 2009
I tried my hand at writing a song.

searching

I'm watching the edge of our horizon
my collage of thoughts breaking away
me and you scattering
as night turns to day

I'm searching for something I can believe in
searching for someone I can relate to
searching for somewhere I can start anew

Our moon hangs as an upside down smile
the lights dimming as I wish you'd stay
wondering how we got here
but you don't hear what I say

I'm searching for something to put my promise in
searching for someone to rest my head on
searching for somewhere where the worst is won

and you used to be mine
now I'm searching for a sign

the night fell under a blanket of fog
and I got used to the way we sleep
I'm all alone tonight
and I'm in way too deep

I'm searching for something I know is real
searching for someone I can call my own
searching for somewhere I can call home

and you used to be mine
and I'm still searching for a sign

Doubtful

Sometimes someone comes along. Sometimes they bump into you without you noticing, other times they crash into your life anonymously and uninvited. Almost immediately they sink their teeth into you. Maybe they're only momentarily curious or maybe they've watched from afar and wanted to drown themselves into you, escape from their forlorn selves for awhile. Immersed with their intense captivation their spots disappear into the blanket you both slept under. In that moment both your bodies searing touches causes the entire world to evaporate. While your feelings are faltering night turns to day. In the deafening silence are the thoughts you wished, but you couldn't say.