After It All

After our first kiss
After our countless "I love you's"
After your shattered promises
Thrown at me like unrecycled trash
I now feel like a fool
Heavy and leaden from the hurt.
You've made me feel like an intruder interrupting your life,
once accepting an enticing invitation
not realizing there was an expiration sticker
wrapped around deadly detination.
The world we created would unravel, mold and rapidly rot.

Improvising an unrehearsed, foreign role.
This is foreign territory I've never stepped on before.
Unsure of how to keep making you happy,
I keep putting on my puppet face,
pretending to be a weightless actress you would love.
Fearful of coming off as an amateur,
I crouch behind the red velvet curtain,
because I cannot bear for you to see my naked shame.
It is my only defense against your denial of us.
Or my own denial of the idea of us.
You secretly hijack the furniture and
rearrange it in our room,
cunningly blocking me out.
It's a maze only you can figure out.
I don't want to be the pawn that gets tackled by the queen,
so I do not bother and pretend to ignore it.
I'm slowly sinking in your quicksand of lies and deception.
But I can't seem to remember how I got here.

Time moves quickly and then abruptly freezes
I am left naked, hotfaced in the bare cold.
Isolated and shivering in my own nightmare.
The bridge between us in love and
the purgatory we've descended into, is collapsing.
The beams are breaking apart,
the cast is spitting out rocks at the dark passerby ghouls
The suspension will soon snap.
The bond between me and you is breaking apart.
I wish I was able to save us
But I know I will be able to save myself
Before this bridge crumbles
The warning signs were all my own
I just wish I would have known.