In the beginning you get this amazing rush. The lines between the days, weeks, and months seem to vanish. The dance you both danced to seems to play on forever. The music plays and hibernates on the covers you both sleep on, swims inside the wine glasses you drink from. It emanates from the water splashing out from the shower head, stroking your sweaty hair. You don't realize how amazing and how addicting love is until a year passes by, and you have to accept that you are hooked. There is no denying that you can go hours without a daily blast. You need the touch of lips, inner thighs, cheek and hair.
There is no other drug that can make you feel as though you're floating or more like flying and there is no way you're going to want to come down. You want to live in the crystalline, fluffy clouds, and see if you can touch the moon. You want to admire and rearrange the stars. Design your own constellation because you know that's what God put them there for.
You look around your proximity and swear that everyone around you is as high as you are. They have genuine smiles on their beautiful faces, heart and souls dilated. Everyone seems to loom in toward each other, and enjoy the mere touch of another person's fingertips. The simple satisfaction of another arm around theirs. The sensation of untouched body parts patiently waiting, knowing it will soon happen. The world is exactly as it should be. You feel the best you've ever felt in your whole life. This is the happiness you found. The secret ingredient an angel placed in your hand for no one else but you.
The world is great and it couldn't get any better..
And then the clouds silently part and
you slowly topple down.. down.. down..DOWN
and you eventually collapse and fall smack down on the filthy, putrid soil and in a deep, dark, wretched hole. You bruise yourself in the process, hitting every obstacle, and failing to flee from the inescapable lows. The bright disgusting morning after a heavy dose. The euphoria is sliding off your sticky skin, goosebumps leave you naked and afraid. Reality begins to slap you hard in the face and revel in the redness. It sneers slyly in the corners of a headache. It rubs your face in the desperate need to hold on to what you've known is safe but do not realize, dangerous. You pretend that he's not pushing you away. You need the comfort of his body, his voice, his compliments. He no longer looks your way. You keep losing your reasoning. Nothing is making sense. You hate the entire world. The entire world has gone mad. Or is it just you. Where is the comfort of your drug now? The sole of your mind is worn and slippery. He has stolen the blue from your sky and the bitter sting of ice replaced it. You shudder, alone in the dark. Withdrawals pour throughout your veins, racing to destroy your entire body.
The walls pound, the wallpaper fades while your sanity slips away. The yellow pasty wallflowers blend into the mold and rot. The drug which once comforted and reassured has given up on you.You feel ugly and vulnerable.
It has lied and twisted you into an unrecognizable creature. And you keep needing it. The cravings never leave. They only grow stronger and meaner, and you want to throw them out, throw them up, and erase them, erase him, ease your spirit. Ease your heart and you just want to fall asleep with him in your bed. Forget today, turn back time. But the agony he's caused is tangled in your hair. It's bound by the sacred memories you refuse to let go of. It gets caught in the questions you need answered, but are too scared to ask. You'd rather not know.
The sun doesn't want to stay out any longer.Your sandcastle crumbles in the sand. The waves stay away from the shore, shying away from you. Dead to the world, slumber suffocates your soul. You scream to make sure someone can hear. Making sure you still have a voice.
One day you'll be able to kick the rocks as far as you can.
They'll knock down the buildings of insecurity.
One day soon you'll see it fall
You'll be able to come back down to earth.
You'll be able to smell the fresh cut grass,
the fine blades kissing your smooth legs
One day you'll be able to forgive and
when you see him you'll have the courage to
be able to say goodbye.
