Why do I feel like this? I feel an utter urgency to do something amazing, something amazing just for me.
Just disregarding everyone else's opinions, hearsay, insults, objectives, theories, and giving them the bird and saying to myself, that it's not for me. I don't need it, don't deserve it, and I won't tolerate it for a minute longer. No longer feeling the desire of being nice to people solely for the sake of being nice and not wanting to come off like the mean girl or rather the "bitch". But, how do I achieve what I ultimately want by appeasing to others? It is a simple answer; I can't do what people expect from me all the time and be equally happy. There are times where I have to solely think about myself, my needs, my goals and my dreams. Ultimately, I matter the most, I need to love myself first and foremost and everything else is secondary. It's not about being greedy or selfish, it's about self preservation. That is life. Now stumbling upon this new-found insight has not been easy nor has it been a quick process. Its been a long, arduous process. It's about making difficult decisions and wondering if I had made the right choices and even still falling backwards, because I was unsure. The important thing, is I continued to press on even when I was completely alone. Being alone is difficult. It's the hardest thing for me to achieve. There are times when I want someone just to have someone next to me to feel safe and feel desired. The hardest thing in life is achieving those same feelings on your own. That is what I'm currently trying to accomplish. I'll let you know how it goes...
You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus
